The ‘All or Nothing’ Trap: Why Perfectionism Keeps You Stuck

You wake up Monday ready to go. You’ve got your water bottle filled, meals prepped, workouts scheduled, and maybe even your motivational playlist queued up. You’re in it. This week is the week. You’re tracking, moving, crushing it.

But then Tuesday hits different. You oversleep. The meeting runs long. You grab takeout because it’s easy. You skip your workout because you’re tired.

And suddenly it’s not just a rough day it’s a slippery slope leading to an “I’ll just start again next week” kind of situation.

Sound familiar?

Welcome to the all-or-nothing mindset and it may actually be what’s keeping you stuck.

Why we fall for all-or-nothing thinking

It makes sense, honestly. All-or-nothing thinking is comforting in a weird way. It’s clean. Predictable. You’re either on a plan, in control, doing the things - or you’re not. Black and white. Right or wrong. “On track” or “off the rails.”

But real life isn’t that tidy. Life is lived in the gray - in the messy middle between on & off. And when we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards, when we tell ourselves we have to do it all or not at all, we set ourselves up to fail over and over again. Not because we’re lazy or unmotivated, but because we’re human.

Here’s the kicker: most of the “failure” people experience in their health journey isn’t from lack of information, it’s from this very mindset. When perfection is the only option, we quit the moment it’s not possible. And let’s be honest… perfect is almost never possible.

What consistency actually looks like

The clients I see make the most progress? They’re not the ones doing 100%. They’re doing 70-80% really well—on repeat.

They know a skipped workout doesn’t erase their effort. That eating a cookie once in a while doesn’t mean they’ve “ruined” anything. That some weeks are heavier, and sometimes “good enough” is more than enough. They know how to course-correct instead of self-destruct. They know how to show up, even if it’s not perfect.

One client in particular stands out. She told me she used to believe that if she couldn’t hit a full 60-minute workout, there was no point doing anything at all. But when we reframed that belief, when we talked about how consistency lives in the small actions - she started fitting in 15-minute strength sessions, evening walks, self-care breaks between meetings. And guess what? Her energy improved. Her body changed. Her mindset shifted.

She stopped starting over. Because she stopped expecting perfection - and when you never STOP doing the things that need to be done MOST of the time - then we don’t actually ever need to start over.

Four ways to break the all-or-nothing cycle

Here’s the thing: you don’t need to try harder—you need to try DIFFERENTLY. Here’s how:

1. Set a minimum baseline.
This is the “even on my worst day” version of the habit you’re building.
→ If your goal is 3 workouts/week, your baseline might be a 10-minute walk.
→ If your goal is balanced meals, your baseline might be simply adding a protein source to whatever you’re already eating.

The key is to build trust with yourself by showing up—especially when life isn’t ideal.

2. Zoom out. Track patterns, not perfection.
Stop judging progress one day at a time. Instead, ask:
“How many days this week did I nourish my body?”
“Did I move more days than not?”
Your week isn’t ruined because one day felt messy. Progress happens when you keep going.

3. Interrupt the perfectionist script.
Pay attention to the moment your brain says, “You blew it.”
Pause. Ask: “What’s still possible right now?”
Even if your day didn’t go as planned, what’s one small way you can still take care of yourself?

4. Build an “in-the-middle” plan.
Create a go-to response for when things don’t go perfectly.
Missed the gym? Do a stretch session while watching TV.
Ordered pizza? Add a side salad and water instead of throwing in the towel.
Didn’t prep food? Grab a rotisserie chicken and bagged veggies, or pre-cooked food from the store.

These moves may not be flashy, but they’re what build momentum over time.

P.S. Progress lives in the gray zone

Let’s be clear: you’re not failing. You’re just living in a world that keeps selling you the idea that you need to be perfect to succeed. You don’t. You just need to keep showing up in small, sustainable ways.

This isn’t about settling for less—it’s about letting go of the all-or-nothing cycle so you can finally build something that lasts. It’s knowing that MOST of the time we will challenge ourselves to do what we really need to do to reach our goals - BUT on the days where the unexpected happens - or the days when we just cannot pull it together - we can still pull back to that “different” plan we broke down above.

Because imperfect progress > perfect intentions every time.

Ready to ditch the extremes and build habits that flex with real life?