We Always Have a Choice - Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like It.
Some of the most impactful moments in behavior change come from little one liners that kind of make you rethink everything.
For me…the one liner that helped me shift how I saw the hard decisions, the outcomes, and the plans for my life - through a different lens.
That one liner?
“WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE”
Because let’s set the stage:
Before I was REALLY into my health journey - I was kind of tip toeing in it. I would tell myself I couldn’t do this or that. I couldn’t eat according to my nutrition plan. Things came up. My partner wanted to go to a specific restaurant. I was in the car. I didn’t feel great…
I DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE. That there were factors that made it so that I didn’t have a choice.
But what that one liner showed me? Is that I DID have a choice - BUT it FEELS like I don’t have a choice because the choices are not what I saw in my original plan.
It FELT like I didn’t have a choice because there were unknowns.
It FELT like I didn’t have a choice because I was in an environment that didn’t support my goals
It FELT like I didn’t have a choice because the foods I would normally choose weren’t available.
It FELT like I didn’t have a choice because my schedule suddenly changed.
It FELT like I didn’t have a choice because none of the choices were what I WANTED to do, or what I PLANNED to do.
And when those feelings hit…it felt easier to just believe that I didn’t have a choice at all. I was just at the mercy of whatever came up.
And I’m not in any way pretending that every choice feels easy - these types of situations force us to consider the hard choices. But what we are talking about here - is recognizing that whether things feel automatic, reactive, emotional, out of control - there is STILL a choice happening. And when we start acknowledging the choices we have in literally everything we do all day every day instead of disconnecting from them, then we can really start taking ownership of our actions.
There are also the holding patterns. The ones that keep us feeling stuck “I don't know why I keep doing this” kind of moments. And maybe the answer is really just that THAT choice felt easier. It felt more comfortable. More familiar. More immediately rewarding. And our brain - our complex, wonderful, incredible brain - also just wants comfort and familiarity - ESPECIALLY when you are stressed, overwhelmed, tired, emotional, etc.
So when it FEELS like you don’t have a choice - or that you are continually choosing the thing that you are trying to move away from - it could also just be that your brain is casting its vote for the choice that doesn’t align with the direction you are trying to go in.
And when we look at the breakdown of choices we usually have in any scenario…
two great options
two mediocre options
one great, one mediocre
one great, one sucky
one mediocre, one sucky
or honestly… two options that both kind of suck
And whatever direction you go in…it’s still a choice - even if it’s between two sucky options…you are likely choosing the less sucky of the two.
So in real life…it might be choices like:
cook dinner or order takeout
go to the gym or sleep in a bit more
have the difficult conversation or avoid it
drink tonight or wake up feeling clear tomorrow
numb out for the evening or sit with discomfort for a little while
And I’m going to be honest - it’s rare that there is a perfect answer. There is usually going to be some kind of compromise or sacrifice when it comes to making your choices. But what if we ask something like: “what choice will lead to the outcome I am more willing to live with?” or “what choice will help me show up in the way I truly want to?”
Because life isn’t just happening to us. We do get to shape our outcomes over time through every single choice we make. So stop acting like life is happening to us… and start recognizing how our choices shape our outcomes over time. And the more we ground ourselves in the choices we make…the less things like “I had no time” “I had no choice” “I just ended up doing it” actually feel true. You DID make a choice. Even if it wasn’t the ideal one. When we say things like that…what outcomes are you actually choosing? What outcome did I want? Was there a choice that I DIDN’T pick that would have given me an outcome closer to the one I wanted?
You are not powerless. You are not at the mercy of the environment around you. So stop seeing yourself as this helpless damsel in distress and start bringing awareness to when/how we CHOOSE the path that was maybe more comfortable and not the one that helps us with our goals. Start asking how the choices you make are keeping you stuck or are moving you forward.
Hi, if you’re new here…we talk a lot about awareness here - and this is no different. Because awareness is that first step to taking ownership and shifting your behaviors. And if this kind of mindset work is resonating with you… this is exactly the kind of thing we work through inside coaching.